The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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