so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
