He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
