My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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