Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
