How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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