I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
