I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
