im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
