Pappa wants mamma naked
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
