can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
