last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
