Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
