i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
