my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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