And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
