....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
