Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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