she was so not down for the gang bang
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
These tits shall not be calmed
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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