the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
