At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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