just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
