no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
