Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well I just put wine in my tea
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
