So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
