like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
