Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
