That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
