Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
