No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
