1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
