Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
