Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
