At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So vagazzling was a success
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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