your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
two words: eviction party
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
