Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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