Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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