Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I need water and some morals
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
