Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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