i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
