Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Randomize
