I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
