I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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