Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
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In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
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We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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