Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
