Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
