if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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