Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
