I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
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i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
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It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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