D3 body, D1 cock
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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