He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
This is my gift to your gina
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
