If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
