don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just pee around me
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize