I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
im holly from the hills drunk
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
