If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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