they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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