...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
