apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
