I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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