Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
