Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
