Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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