I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize