That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
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I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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