Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
