I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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