he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
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There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
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We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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