An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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