all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
