you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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