like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
