ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
